I would hazard a guess, that for most of you, giving, but more importantly, receiving compliments, makes you a little uncomfortable. The idea that you have done something worthy of a positive comment, subconsciously causes us to question our self-worth, our self-belief and our values. Our inability to accept a well-meaning compliment says a whole lot more about our opinion of ourselves, than many would like to admit. If you believe you are not good enough, if you believe that you are not worthy, you may have trouble understanding how others can be so generous with their words.
Receiving a compliment can often feel uncomfortable as the words you hear may be very different to the words you use when talking about yourself. Referred to as cognitive dissonance, it’s the phrase psychologists use to describe the inconsistencies between how you see yourself and how the rest of the world sees you.
For example, if a work colleague says to you, “you did a great job with that presentation. Your skills and knowledge are such an asset to our team”. Do you say “thanks very much. I have worked really hard on getting this right as I know how important it is for the future success of our business”. Or do you say, “really? I was just doing my job. It’s nothing special”.
Sit and think about that for a bit. Without judgement. Only with curiosity.
What springs to mind? Ease or a feeling of unease? Do you agree with the compliment or do you think the giver of the compliment lacks clarity around your ‘perceived’ skill level? Remember only curiosity, not judgement.
Added to this cognitive dissonance, I know for many, acknowledging their abilities when given a compliment, can cause anxiety as they do not want to be seen as full of themselves. We are bought up to be humble, however there is a difference in being humble and gracious as opposed to being big headed and conceited. If we understand our true worth and have positive self-image, being humble and gracious when receiving a compliment will come naturally.
The best response to a compliment is to take it as it was intended. Accept it with gratitude and joy and whatever you do, resist the urge to down play it. If others have helped you on the journey to receiving this compliment, by all means share the praise, but not at the expense of downgrading your contribution.
My challenge for you is this….next time you are given a compliment, accept it with gratitude. If you find yourself going into negative self talk, step back, take a breath and start again. Until you get the hang of being told how fabulous you are, a simple ‘thank you’ will suffice.
If you’re feeling extra brave follow this thank you up with…
I AM ENOUGH
I AM WORTHY
…feel free to scream it from the rooftops, however saying this silently to yourself will certainly do the trick 😊
Be kind. Stay fabulous.
Suz xx